Your controller is bugged.
Look, here at Radio Free Nintendo, we’ve got a soft spot for Donkey Kong. The Big Ape—that’s what we call him. Seems official now, though it started way back in some old segments that are lost to time. I’ll probably never stop mentioning it.
This got me thinking—like, is “The Big Ape” the right nickname for Donkey Kong? Detours are my specialty, so hold on while I pull out a list from The Center for Great Apes. Ever wondered what makes an ape an ape?
Hair instead of fur – Apparently, it’s about growth. Fur just stops, but hair keeps on for the ride. DK’s hairdo counts, right?
Fingernails, not claws – Usually, his hands are fists, but there’re definitely fingernails in some art.
Opposable thumbs – Fists strike again.
Big brains – He can tie a tie, drive cars. Have you seen a squirrel pull that off?
Prehensility – Fist focus continues.
Padded digits, fingerprints – Who knows?
Binocular vision – Yep, he sees like a boxer.
Less sniffing power – Couldn’t tell ya.
So yeah, checks all around. DK’s definitely an ape. There’s this part from The Center for Great Apes that I can’t shake:
People often mix up apes and monkeys. Although there are differences like lifespan and smarts, the biggie is tails—monkeys have them, apes don’t.
As for Diddy Kong? He’s a monkey, mind you, and won’t stick around as long as DK. Sorry, Diddy.
Anyway, Donkey Kong Bananza dropped a Direct on Wednesday. It had about fifteen minutes of gameplay—plus, DK’s new sidekick is, surprise, adolescent Pauline. That’s a rabbit hole of lore, but let’s not go there. Meme city and all that. Key notes:
Pauline = human = ape.
Diddy ≠ ape.
Diddy’s outta here before DK.
Basically, DK’s grooming a Diddy replacement. Seems harsh, but hey, who am I to judge?
Then there’s James, rambling through a segment on Fantasy Life i: The Girl Who Steals Time. It’s a jumble of systems and lives that I barely get. It’s like a cyclical grindfest—mine stuff, make better things, repeat. Send help.
A break? Yeah, we needed one. Jon’s been offloading consoles at GameStop, getting caught in a web spun by Special Agent Steve of GameStop InfoSec. It’s a different kind of drama there. Meanwhile, Greg chats Mario Kart World and F-Zero GX, interesting how Switch 2’s pushing racing games with unique single-player stuff. Neat, right?
Guillaume and James even tried GameChat on Switch 2, streaming games like F-Zero GX and Mario Kart World. Guillaume’s got some experience with the Switch 2 Pro Controller too.
We tried a Listener Mail thing, pitching ad campaigns for companies in Mario Kart World. Want in on the chaos? Send your ideas our way.
* Just so you know, “The Big Ape” isn’t an epithet ’cause I don’t call him “Donkey Kong The Big Ape.” It’s more a nickname swap. I’ll mess up title types till the end of time. Just how it is.
